Tears, tantrums....two

"Terrible Twos"
I've done some reading and it seems there is a misconception that the Terrible Twos is really when a child is two years old. The experts I've researched seem to think it is really the second year of life - when a child is one. I personally think it is the 6 months before and after a child's 2nd birthday.

My docile, easy-going daughter is certainly living up to that expectation. She is still fun to be with... when she's not crying over something. And those moments are becoming fewer and farther between. She's been putting us through the ringer the last few weeks. Most of the time the tantrum is because she wants to do or have something that her daddy or I have deemed unsafe (touching the utensils in the dishwasher), unnecessary (another cup of water after she deliberately spilled the first) or "not right now" (another round of teeth-brushing when it's really time to get out of the house). The tantrums manifest themselves usually with screaming/crying, tears and emphatic "NO"s shouted toward the offending party or object. Sometimes she likes to crash into things that I'm certain must smart when she hits them.

Our usual response to a tantrum is no response. Unless she is somewhere she might get hurt (in which case I will pick her up and move her to a more safe location - i.e. the middle of the floor), we let her have her fit. I refuse to engage with a screaming banshee. When she calms down we can discuss what she wants and work on moving on to another activity.

However, yesterday she was so mad at me (I can't recall exactly why) that as she stormed from the room she decided to show her frustration by plunking her brother on top of his head. Poor Peter was simply minding his own business lying on the floor when he got a decent smack. That resulted in immediate removal to time-out. To understand the effectiveness of time-out for Allison you have to know that she adores being near us. She wants to be in whatever room we are in (usually me) and doesn't like to be alone much. So being in a time-out when no one is engaging with you and they are all usually in another area (where I can still see her) is an extremely cruel and unusual punishment. But it works. We managed to move on from the tantrum and she made heartfelt apologies to both me and Peter.

Another new routine is crying insanely when she really wants something that I either won't give her or can't give her just yet (because I'm doing something else). The strategy we are currently imploying is to respond that we will not respond to screaming. If she wants something she can make a reasonable request - either with words (if she knows them) or with gestures and other calm methods. As soon as she stops screaming I'll ask again what she wants and if she tells me without shouting or crying I'll comply (assuming it's safe/ok).

If you are dealing with toddler tantrums (or have in the past), what methods work for you?