Juggling and Struggling

I've been thinking a lot lately about my role as a woman, wife and mother. There is so much emphasis today on marriages being a partnership and about doing our "fair" share and splitting things equally around the home. And while I certainly see marriage as a partnership, I'm not so sure about the 50/50 split.

First, to me it sounds like there is exactly X amount of effort that is required to maintain a household and that each of us needs to put in our fair share so that it adds up to that 100%. But life doesn't really work that way. In a marriage, each person has specific tasks that fall primarily to them - due to either skill, desire, biblical principle or luck of the draw. And within those tasks that are primarily ours, I believe we each have the responsibility of giving 100% effort to those tasks. Occasionally our spouse and children may assist us with those things but in the end the responsibility is ours to keep the item on course.

There's a lot of writings on biblical womanhood. Now, I'm not suggesting that I (or anyone else) needs to follow any kind of legalistic guideline as to what is a "woman's work" or a "man's work". We are all given unique abilities and gifts. I happen to love working with numbers and solving problems. As a result, in our house, I manage the day-to-day of the budgets and try to do initial research issues in our house that need tending to. Mr. Brown is a very sweet-natured, not-easily-agitated kind of man (a disposition I am not so much blessed with). As a result, he's better as the driver when we go anywhere as a family and he's able to calmly work through issues that might otherwise have me riled up. You have to work to your talents. And when neither of you has a talent in an area, well, then it is up for grabs as to who should take on a particular task.

But back to my godly woman thoughts.... the truth is, that despite having a full-time (paid) job, my heart is with my home and my children. For right now, my job meets the financial needs of our family and does provide me with some enjoyment. But first and foremost, I feel called to be a loving wife and good mother. (I do not believe having a full-time job prevents either of those, just that my husband and children come before my job. I admire all mothers who are able to manage their households well - whether being at home full time or holding another job in addition. I do, however, really dislike the term "full-time mother." Being a working-outside-the-home mom does not in any way make me or anyone else a part-time mother. I am a mother ALWAYS, whether my children are with me or not. And moms who have share custody of their children with an ex-spouse are full-time motheres as well. Just because they aren't physically with their children all day, every day does not in any way diminish their motherhood.)

Lately however, I've been struggling to balance the demands of my work-life with my heart-calling for my family and home. I've tried researching how others do it and most of what I've found is from stay-at-home mothers. And while that may someday be our reality, it is not today. For now, balancing my relationship with God, my marriage, my motherhood, my home duties and my work are a reality. But the truth is that I'm not so much balancing as quickly shifting from one to another and never quite feeling caught up in any of them.

Have any of you found techniques that work for finding the right balance in your life among competing priorities? I'd love to hear from you. In the meantime, expect a few more posts on this topic. I have a feeling it's going to be on my mind for quite a while now.

Toddler-isms

Allison has been cracking me up the last few days with the things she says.

We took a walk on Sunday morning. She decided she wanted to walk rather than ride in the stroller. We were on a trail so we let her walk pretty independently. At one point she was a bit of a ways behind us. She wanted us to slow down for her. So I hear her calling out "Guys! Guys!" until we stopped and waited. It was just such a grown up thing for her to say.

Then the other day she was eating applesauce and accidentally spilled some on her. "Oh man!" I guess it's a good sign that it wasn't a swear word coming out of her mouth. But it's a good reminder that little ears hear everything - even (especially?) those words we utter in frustration under our breath.

Happy Birthday to Mr. Brown

Today Mr. Brown is celebrating a birthday. We are fortunate enough to have my mom visiting for the week so we will have a chance to go out, sans kids, for an evening. That's something we haven't done in a long time.

It's been kind of a tough year for Mr. Brown. Between me being sick, going from a family of 3 to a family of 4, living on not enough sleep and dealing with lots of pressure at work he's had to bear a pretty big burden the past 12 months. I hope today he'll get a chance to rest at least a bit.

So, happy birthday my love! You have been my rock these many months. Know that I always love you - for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Thank you for sharing your life with me.

From Visitor to Host

I spent last weekend at my parents' house until Tuesday. Saturday my mom came to visit us for the next week or so to celebrate Peter's upcoming birthday.

She's only been here 2 days so far but already we are all enjoying her visit. Allison simply cannot get enough of her and keeps asking for Nana whenever we are out of eyesight of her. It took Peter a bit longer to warm up but once he figured out that she would feed him, he was won over.

Hopefully mom will get to have a nice break from her regular routine and get to enjoy some quality time with the grandkids. It doesn't hurt that she's going to be willing to watch the kids for a few hours so Mr. Brown & I can head out to celebrate his birthday this week too. Boy do we need a date night.

Photo Catch-Up - Peter's 1st Haircut

Since I didn't get a chance to post these when they were taken back in May, I am posting them now for your enjoyment.

Before

What is going on here?

I don't like this!

I really don't like this!

Okay... maybe it's not so bad.

Well, this wasn't bad at all.

Looking like a big boy.

Glad it's over.

All grown up.

100 posts!!

I have made it to my 100th post on this blog. A very exciting day indeed.

Even more exciting... I am back home after 5 days away from my husband and babies. I was lucky enough to get the very last seat on the direct flight home instead of my scheduled connection. That saved me 2.5 hours giving me enough time to get home before the kids were in bed. Both seemed very glad to see me and I was very glad to have them climbing all over me once again.

I had a nice visit home with my parents and brother and sister-in-law and niece and nephews. Jenny & Greg's wedding was beautiful and the reception was a lot of fun. I did notice something about weddings this weekend. It seems that most people, myself included, make most of their good friends at college or beyond. There are of course a handful of good friends that remain from high school days but they are a small number compared to those friends we make during our first years on our own. As a result, at weddings, the college friends tend to be many and are the ones partying like rock stars, excited to have such a joyous occasion to reunite. And the high school friends are the small group hanging on the fringes. Still having a good time but certainly not the life of the party sort. Having been both a bride, high school friend and college friend at weddings I have found this to be almost invariably true. Nothing much to be done about it. Just an interesting note. Attending a wedding takes on a very different tone depending upon when you knew the bride & groom.

I am looking forward to some homemade apricot jam made with love by Jenny's mom. I was fortunate enough to be able to get it through airport security despite not identifying it as one of my 3-1-1 liquids. That will be delicious on my toast in the morning! And Jenny's mom told me I could send back my old jelly jar from college for a refill! Yum!!

I got to catch up with some old high school friends which is always nice. And, as usual, we managed to have a mis-adventure together that left us all laughing so hard our stomachs hurt. It never fails with those girls!

And another nice surprise, I came home to a beautiful bouquet of lillies from my dear husband.

And The Two Shall Become One

This Friday I am travelling back home to California for the nuptials of one of my very best friends from high school. Jenny, or Bernice as I like to call her (it's a not-so-long but not-very-funny-if-you-weren't-there story), is getting married to her longtime sweetheart Greg.

I'd like to dedicate this post to telling you all the wonderful things about Jenny.

Jenny is one of the most fun-loving, free-spirited, life-loving people I have ever known. It is impossible to spend more than 5 minutes in a room with her without enjoying a good belly laugh. She lights up every room she enters with her quick smile and bubbly personality. But do not be fooled by that light-hearted exterior. Jenny is a woman of great depth. Her thought-life is filled with considerations of love and faith and life's meaning. She is fiercely loyal to her friends and would drop anything to help those she loves.

Jenny has seen me though some of the happiest moments of my life and some of the most sad. Her notes of encouragement passed between classes always made me smile. Her constant support during times of heartache were unwavering. From the moment we met in junior high school band class - the first day of 8th grade for me and 7th for her - we were fast friends. And in the intervening 20 years (wow - has it really been that long?!?) life has taken us far away from each other - her to Davis and Zimbabwe and San Francisco and me to South Bend and Chicago and Ann Arbor and Seattle and now here. But no matter how long we go between conversations, the connection has not wavered.

She made a beautiful bridesmaid in my own wedding 4 years ago and I am so elated to watch her walk down the same aisle that I, my mother, and so many of our other friends have walked down to start her journey as no longer just a woman but a wife, a daughter-in-law and (hopefully someday) a mother.

To Greg - I'm sure you already know that you are committing your life to one of the strongest, most caring and most loving women in the world. Never forget that Jenny is a Daughter of the King and deserves to be treated with the highest love and respect.

And finally, two quotes from the author of my favorite book and one of the great biblical teachers of our time:

"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
Leo Tolstoy

When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."
Billy Graham

Embrace your differences and make a decision every day to love one another.

I wish you many blessings as you begin this journey of your life together.

Friend Makin' Monday

I loved this idea from All That Is Good. The concept is to find new friends in the blog-o-sphere be sharing things about yourself. This week it is confessions. I have two.

1. I'm compulsive about tracking our budget. The very first thing I do every morning when I log in to my computer is to check our bank account, update my checkbook register and log everything in to 5 (yes 5) different budgeting worksheets. Each one has a separate purpose and while I suppose I could combine them I love tracking things so neurotically.

2. Sometimes right after the kids go to bed I jump online to "check my email" and end up spending 2 hours browsing all over the web while Mr. Brown does the dinner dishes.

My Other Blog

You may have noticed a new link on the right side of your screen to a new blog called Delightfully Organized. That's me. I do believe I finally have some idea of what I want to do with the rest of my life. I am working (slowly, but still working) on developing my own business as a professional organizer.

I've spent my entire life trying to find a way to make things work better, faster, easier. I always loved new school supplies as a kid - crisp notebooks with no marks in them yet, a new Trapper Keeper waiting for me to fill in my class schedule and daily assignments. And as I grew up, I continued to love these things - new refills for my Franklin Covey planner, designing file layouts for my desk drawer and coming up with good ways to organize my apartments on a small budget.

Heck, I even got my Master's degree in what is, essentially, professional organization. Industrial and Operations Engineering. What do industrial engineers do? They take industrial and office processes and find ways to make them work better, faster and/or cheaper. The take extra movement out of as assembly line and streamline documentation flow through organizations.

Even at home I'm always looking for ways to make things easier. I do believe this is because at heart I'm somewhat lazy and want to put forth as little effort as possible in order to still get a great result. Ask Mr. Brown, I drive him crazy at least once a week with a suggestion for how "we" (yes, that usually means "he") can do things a little bit easier around the house.

So I've decided to combine my love of all things organizational and the enjoyment I get from working with people into a career. This is a long-term plan. I'm still researching the market possibilities here locally and reading as much as I can get my hands on about the topic from others in the business. But the wheels are in motion.

Here's how you can help.
- Read my blog. Offer feedback to me on whether things are helpful or not. I honestly want all feedback - both complimentary and constructive. This is my way of working out my ideas on how I want my business to be structured and focused so I am open to change. Expect to see changes in design and content over the next few months as I work out my voice & image. Feel free to let me know what you think of these changes

- Offer yourself up as a test subject. In addition to working on projects around my own home I'm trying to build a book of work. I'm planning to offer some simple solutions as part of Reader Tuesday but will also need a small number of hands-on cases that I'll work complimentary. After my complimentary phase I'll need a few more test subjects for projects at a highly reduced rate.

- Find me a web-designer. I have a graphic designer working on my logo but I really need someone with web-design experience to help me format a website that meets my vision. If you are one or know of one, let me know. I will be eternally grateful for the lead.

So there you have it - my new venture and adventure. Wish me luck!

Trash to Treasure

Today I participated in that oh-so-American summer Saturday tradition and held a garage sale*.

If you've been to our home you know that it's mostly neat and mostly organized. But we definitely had a number of items hanging around taking up space just because we could. Our bookcases weren't overflowing, for example, but they were full. Full of books that we never had read or were never going to read again. Same with the basement. Plenty of boxes of stuff that have been there, untouched, since we moved in. There's never been a real need to go through them and purge because we had the space. Nothing was encroaching on our living comfortably. And yet, all of those unpacked boxes and unread books nagged on me during quiet times when I felt like I should be doing something.

So I spent the past few weeks purging - closets, dressers, bookcases, storage bins, and the basement floor which was strewn with various things. And today I gathered all of those items and set them out on my driveway for all the world to see.

It was a bit odd looking at my life on display like that. There were clothes purchased during different times in my life, decorations from my single-days apartments, hand-me-down cookware that has been replaced with the latest and greatest. A few of the highlights of things I managed to sell:

* David's original Play Station with games. Now a nice little 7 year old boy will get to enjoy pretending to be an NHL and NFL start.
* A pot that was clearly from the 70s as evidenced by it's yellow hue. I do believe my mom had that pot before I was born. This is now the proud possession of a nice older gentleman with a hearing difficulty.
* A beautiful silky nightgown given to me for my wedding but which never quite fit me correctly. This is now (and this is a little weird for me) in the ownership of one of my neighbors a few doors down. I'm just glad she's not someone I really know or interact with. That would be weird.
* Both of David's and my twin size comforters from our college dorms.
* Two yellow unused sleep sacks which I thought I would love but later learned that neither of my kids really liked them. These will soon belong to the brand new twin nephews of my shopper.
* An unused baby blanket and a set of earrings that were never worn. These were purchased by an man from India who is here on a temporary work assignment. My little garage sale was his very first garage sale experience. I felt quite honored to have made him a pretty good deal. The baby blanket is for his son - due to arrive in the world in just a few weeks - who's birth he will miss. And the earrings, for his wife, a sweet little thing to say I miss you and wish I could be there. (Okay, I don't know that's what he'll say, but I imagine he'll say something nice to her when he explains the care package)

It's kind of nice to know that some of our old items will find good use and care with someone else. I think the thing I liked best was talking to people about what they were shopping for and why. I have a few garage sale finds still in use in my own home.

And the bonus part of the day... $112 profit (before the $9 we spent on pizza for dinner). Not too shabby for 5 hours sell time.

The best news... everything in the sale that wasn't re-homed made its way to the Goodwill donation center and will never clutter my home again.

*Here they call them garage sales, where I grew up we called them yard sales (it was always warm enough and never rainy so there was no need to use the inside of the garage as a back-up plan) and you northeasterners may known it as a tag sale.

The Tooth Hurts

My illness has resulted in a bad review of the dentist at my last cleaning. And that meant that last Wednesday I had two crowns put on. I expected a bit of discomfort but not really a big deal. I'm not afraid of the dentist, but I don't love pain.

Once I got home and the novocaine wore off I was in agony. Not discomfort. Not sore. Agonizing, excrutiating, pain so bad it makes you throw up. Really. I called the dentist after hours. I started on the prescription pain killers and that seemed to ease the pain. The next day he filed down the temporary crown to hopefully relieve the pressure. Friday and most of today I was sore and some over-the-counter pain meds were helping. But tonight it is back. Pain. Horrible, awful pain. There must be an infection. That's the only thing I can imagine.

I have a call into the dentist. Hopefully he'll get back to me soon because gosh darn it, it hurts!

May Photo Recap - Part 1 - Mark's Visit

Everyone getting cozy in the back seat.

While Mark seems to be excited for his visit, Allison has yet to be convinced.

Perhaps a ride on the carousel will win her over?

Or sitting on a giant steer?

You always see the peacocks at the Zoo but this one felt backed into a corner by the crowd and was trying to scare us away. Absolutely beautiful.

"You distract him and I'll grab the camera."

Mark in his dual role as Godfather/jungle gym.

Bedtime Stories

Tired kid #1

Tired kid #2

E-Mealz - Week 2

This week my grocery bill was $90. That was all groceries for 6 of the 7 meals plus a few other things we needed like milk, eggs, orange juice, extra fruit, yogurt & a few cleaning supplies. I did use a few coupons ($7.60 worth). We've decided that we will only do 6 of the meals each week because there is always at least one night when we just don't need something - we either eat out, have leftovers, or make-do with what's around. This is usually either my Weight Watchers night or Mr. Brown's softball night - the nights when one of us has the kids alone. This week's menu includes:
Taco Salad
baked tortilla chips & salsa
strawberries & bananas for dessert
(9 points)

Chunky Beef Barley Soup
Cornbread Muffins
(6 points)

Stewed Chicken & Lima Beans (yep, I'm one of the weird folks who likes Lima Beans)
Steamed Veggies
Peaches & Cream for dessert
(6 points)

Apple Glazed Pork Chops
Baked Sweet Potato
(8 points)

Mexican Skillet Dinner (like a homemade hamburger helper)
Caramel Nut Bananas for dessert
(8 points)

Italian-Dijon Tilapia
Steamed Veggies
(8 points)

Last night we had the Mexican Skillet. I was a bit skeptical because I've never really liked Hamburger Helper meals and this seemed a bit too close to that. But it was surprisingly good. And easy. I made the entire dinner in about 20 minutes. Even Mr. Brown gave it a "pretty good" rating.

We've decided that there are ways to keep it low points for me (following the recipe) and then add a bit for him or the kids to make it more up their alley. For example, last night I added salsa (0 points) on top of mine & Mr. Brown's. Mr. Brown & the kids also got cheese on top and Mr. Brown ate his with a flour tortilla. Even Peter gobbled it up. He really seemed to love it (of course, he loves almost everything these days). Allison didn't really touch it but I think she wasn't hungry because she wouldn't eat her banana either - and if she won't eat fruit I know she really isn't hungry.

Mountain Getaway

We were lucky enough to have David's brother's family visit us this past week. They arrived Saturday just in time for dinner and spent one night at our house before heading up to the mountains for little high altitude vacation at a condo owned by some friends of the family. We joined them on Monday morning.

Allison had an awesome time playing with her cousins Ben (9) and Owen (7). And the cousins love Allison & Peter just as much. The four of them had fun building (and knocking down) block towers, playing catch, exploring playgrounds and just generally making merry.

I was lucky enough to have enough down time during naps and our drive there and back to read not one but two entire books I had checked out of the library. What a luxury that was.

We love having visitors and hope all of our friends and family know that you are always welcome to Hotel Brown. What we lack in luxury we make up for in welcome. The only stipulation is that you must be prepared to spend at least a few minutes each day acting as a human jungle gym for Peter.

Meal Planning Made Easy

If you are like me being a busy mom leaves me little time to think about meals. More often than I would like it's 5 o'clock and I am scrambling to figure out what I should make for dinner that will be tasty, healthy and quick. I've tried various attempts at meal planning with varying degrees of success.

Finally I decided to sign up for E-Mealz. I discovered this through the Dave Ramsey radio show. I signed up two weeks ago. So far I've only used one week (because we were out of town for most of the second week) but it was great. Nearly everything suggested in the mealplan was on sale. I cross checked the ingredients with my coupons and was able to achieve even more savings. And every dish I made was delicious and easy to make. I decided to only buy ingredients for 6 of the meals since we inevitably have one night a week of leftovers, eating out or just a quick frozen pizza or the like.

I'm signed up for the Points program (any store) plan since I'm on Weight Watchers. It is $15 for a 3 month subscription. If you use the promo code "Dave" (no quotes) then it'll be just $12.50. I figured I could spare $4 and some change out of my monthly grocery budget to have someone else plan the meals.

If you do sign up, please use me as your referral. Either click the link here: E-Mealz or use my member name (domer).

Happy Eating!

Words that melt a mom's heart

Last night at bedtime Allison finally said "I Love You" to me. It was the sweetest thing ever. You think that their first words are going to be special, and they are. But hearing your child tell you they love you (even if they aren't quite sure yet what that means) is priceless.